Charlie's Appointment

Charlie's appointment was yesterday. The orthopedist said that Charlie has congenital kyphosis. This is a condition that could lead to paralysis. By every indication (including what the doctor said as well as what I've found on the Internet), surgery is always the best option. Thankfully, we noticed the problem early and were able to recieve the diagnosis now, since the best time to operate seems to be before the age of five.

Now Charlie has to have an MRI to determine if he should have surgery right away or if we can wait a little while.

I am still kind of stunned, and trying to wrap my mind around the fact that one of my children has a progressive condition that could potentially cause serious medical issues. However, we live in a great place when it comes to medicine - Houston has outstanding doctors and hospitals.

And, yes, I am doing the mom thing: asking myself if I took enough folic acid in the beginning of my pregnancy, or if the medicine I took to stop my labor may have caused this, or did I eat too many brownies . . . even though know that this probably just happened because it did, I still go back in my mind and try to remember.

The above picture was taken of him just after his appointment. He was eating Oreos. :o)

School and Other Things

Today was the second day of school, and though I do not yet know all of the students' names, I am already starting to love them. I like to talk and joke with my students. I kind of like the teaching part too, but the talking and joking part is my favorite.

I get to be the cheer coach this year too! I'll have the JV girls. Is that a hoot or what? Stop laughing now. OK. That's enough. Really. Anyway, I have thoroughly enjoyed the girls so far. Right now JV and Varsity are practicing together, but in a couple of weeks I will have the JV girls all by myself! Other than getting to know the girls and going to games, the other things I am looking forward to are: once-a-month get-togethers, competition, and cheer camp! Rah!

School is already so much more relaxed than last year. First, I know the ropes a little better. Second, my hall is really fun. Also, we have an AWESOME chair for my department this year. I cannot stress this enough. She totally rocks, and I am not just saying that. I feel like I can breathe and be myself.

And as for other things . . . can I just tell you how much I love my family and friends? I have been thinking about this so much over the past few days. I am not a perfect person - not the best wife or mom or friend . . . my kids watch too much TV and often eat potato chips for dinner. Hardly anyone in my house sleeps in their own beds at night, and I am sure they will be emotionally scarred forever. However, whenever I tuck them into whichever bed they crawl into at night, they know that I love them. They smile and hug and kiss me. My husband talks with me about our problems. "Our" problems, because no problem is just mine or yours; we share them. We are a family. And my friends . . . you dear, dear ones, those whom I half-expected, half-wanted to hate me. You never did. How could I have sold you so short? If I have seen evidence of anything, it has been love and strength. My family and friends are so strong, strong enough to love and strong enough to accept, strong enough to cover over my mistakes. Strong enough to walk with someone through something very dark.

Much love to all of you . . .

Still On the Journey

We got Baby Butterbean and ourselves all ready to go yesterday morning, only to get a call from the doctor telling us we would need to reschedule the appointment. We were disappointed. We wanted to know what is wrong with him right now!!!! But we will have to wait until Aug. 28 to find out.

This week I haven't felt too well, but I felt better yesterday and I feel better today. I spent yesterday shopping for school stuff. Scott has been at school getting his new room all set up. He has had to move rooms because his previous classroom (that has been his classroom for the past two years!) has asbestos under the floor and must be renovated! Yikes! Moving rooms is a huge job for a teacher, especially if you've been in one room for awhile and have made a little nest for yourself. So Scott is working hard this week. I'll be going up to my school to organize my nest tomorrow.

Last week we were in Arkansas. We got in some good Grandma, Pappa, Uncle Matt, Aunt Lisa, cousin Trevor, Aunt Elizabeth, and cousin McNary time. I also got to see my beloved Courtney and Rachel, my BFF of course! (CBB, make sure Rachel sees this!) I got to have long talks with people that I love about things that matter, and even though we didn't come up with any concrete answers, we felt better knowing that our struggles were the same.

We did fun stuff last week, like having Elizabeth go with us and the kids to Wild River Country; going out for Chinese food with the family; having the McNary cousins over for dinner; taking the kids to MidAmerica Museum, the Promenade, and Bathhouse Row in Hot Springs; and celebrating Daddy's 76th birthday with homemade chocolate meringue pie. Again, as soon as we learn to upload videos, you will be able to see some of our adventures!

So, I'm still on this journey of uncertainty and wondering. I may not ever have the answers I am looking for, but at this point, assurance and peace would be welcome friends in the absence of answers. What a year it has been! I think about it every day, how one event really has changed every aspect of my thinking. That change in thinking has in turn changed my life, my outlook. I used to feel like I was on a mountain and could see everything beautiful and green and clear all around me. Everything was in its place and everything made sense, everything mattered. Now I feel like I am chopping my way through a dense forest, full of trees I can't climb and rivers I can't cross and predators in wait all around me. Nothing is certain, nothing makes sense, and I'm constantly being tripped up by debris on the path, trying to figure out what matters.

Much love to all of you -