Spinal Scare

Baby Butterbean is walking around here like crazy. He'll be running soon. It's crazy!

Not long after he started sitting up, I noticed something that I didn't like about his back. The lower part of his spine was sticking way out, curving outward, and he almost looked hunch-backed or something. I mentioned it to my doctor at his six month checkup, but the doctor didn't seem alarmed, saying that as long as he was sitting up fine and it didn't hinder his movement, it was nothing to be immediately alarmed about. We LOVE our pediatrician! Love him. And at the time, BB was going though some rough stuff with several bouts in a row of RSV, about which the doctor was alarmed.

Fast forward to BB's 12 month checkup, which he had just a couple of weeks ago. I again pointed out my discomfort with his spine situation, and the doctor spent a good bit of time examining BB's back. This time, he was concerned. So he ordered x-rays, and I got a call today that has gotten me unnerved. Even though the doctor said it is not an emergency, I'm the mommy! I have a right to be unnerved.

I still don't know exactly what is wrong, but to hear the words "malformation," "deformity," and "congenital" about a condition that involves my child made me want to cry. The doctor said something about certain bones not closing properly, a curving of the lumbar, and "spinal dysplasia," that is, if I caught everything! He may have said more . . . I don't know. Anyway, I had to get busy right away securing films of BB's xray as well as getting an appointment with a pediatric orthopedist.

BB is the one of my children who has ever had health problems. The asthma issues, bouts with RSV, even the eczema, have all been hard on me. I know that I am blessed, that there are parents who deal with so much more serious issues. Still, I am a worrier by nature, so it has all been kind of tough to take. I just want BB to be the happiest, healthiest baby around. And it's hard to be happy while being sicky. Still, I think he has weathered it all better than I have!

So we'll be meeting with the orthopedist on Aug. 12 and will know more then. I'll keep you all posted. Please keep my little Butterbean in your thoughts and prayers. He is so happy and cute and we are all so happy he's in our family. I just want him to be OK.

Cutie

What It Is and What It Isn't, But Mostly What It Is

I don't claim to be an expert on anything these days, except maybe in messing up. But I have been learning a lot about what it means to minister and be ministered to. I have been more guilty of what mistering is not, than what it is, and, yes, a couple of items on this list are borne of frustration, disappointment, and anger. But the majority of it is born of humility. I have been humbled by true examples of ministry, and when I am out of this and on the other side and when I (if I) become the person (I hope) that I'm meant to be, I want to help people, to minister. I am also learning that I didn't know as much as I thought I did about anything, including ministering (maybe especially ministering). Thank you for ministering to me. Thank you.

Ministry drives an hour (or five or ten) to sit with someone, listen to them talk, listen to them cry.

Ministry speaks words of healing.

Ministry is available at a moment's notice; it makes time.

Ministry tells someone that they are worth the trouble.

Ministry does not just send an e-mail or two and leave it at that.

Ministry lets someone know they are loved.

Minsitry loves someone in the midst of their unloveliness.

Ministry does not wait to be asked.

Ministry calls you every day, whether or not you want to be called.

Ministry doesn't always ask, "What can I do?"
Ministry just does - something, anything - because ministry knows that doing something is better than wondering what should be done.

Ministry helps you laugh through tears.

Ministry does not just wait at an alter, but pulls you toward it.

Ministry hugs with big, big hugs, and long ones.

Ministry has big shoulders, and lets you use them.

Ministry does not judge, but ministers with the grace already experienced.

Ministry does not always say what we want to hear, but always says what we need to hear, even when it is painful (to say and to hear).

Ministry wounds faithfully.

Ministry does not just listen, but hears.

Ministry offers hope.

Ministry is not afraid of you.

Ministry is not afraid of the hard stuff.

Ministry is not afraid to get dirty.

Ministry will sit on your bedroom floor and talk with you for an hour and a half (or more).

Ministry says, "Call anytime. Anytime," and means it.

Ministry knows what you can't ask for, and offers it anyway.

Ministry remembers you next week.

Ministry believes for you, when you cannot believe.

Ministry meets you where you are.

Ministry accepts you just the way that you are, right now.

Ministry brings chocolate. :o)

Ministry lets you have another cup of coffee.

Ministry says, "I will always be your friend, and nothing that you do or say can ever change that. I love you."

Ministry is personal.

Ministry can save your life.

You Are One, Little One!

Our sweet Baby Butterbean turned one on Friday! It's hard to believe that he could have started out at just a little over 5 pounds. Now he is my chubby little monkey. I am still trying to wrap my mind around the fact that we've had him in our lives for an entire year.

We love you Baby Butterbean! I'm so glad you are part of our family!

Summer School, Part II

I think I have realized the reason I agreed to teach summer school is that I had a subconscious need to be punished for all the bad things I have ever done in my life.

The Teacher

East of Houston
a teacher
her students

Many days she wonders
Sometimes she knows

Three dots tattooed
Between the thumb and first finger
She knows

One of her students broke a finger
It was black and blue,
purple
so swollen

The teacher said to her,
Why don't you go to the doctor?
That must hurt . . .

Her beautiful student
with the loveliest dark eyes
framed by long eyelashes,
curly, curly hair
and a ready smile
said to her,
Miss, you don't know . . .
you don't know how it is
with us.

Edgar was in the hall
laughing with his girlfriend
and talking to Jose,
who said,
My uncle has some of that stuff
it was in his car last night
we can get some tonight . . .

Jose and Edgar
laughing, jovial,
always ready
with a greeting
for the teacher.

Today she knows
what tonight will be
for the two boys

The teacher sits at her desk
in a school
just East of Houston.
She sees the large, round city,
a gray outline each morning
as she follows lines of other cars
going that way . . .

And knows that what is there
and East of there
and West and South
of the round, gray city
is a world filled with people
wanting to escape

and those people have children
who want to escape, too
But until they can,
she will teach them
from a book filled with stories.

Summer School

My summer is not here yet. I'm teaching summer school. So I'm waiting for July 1st to arrive so that I have my break.

I'm not on my normal campus, and I've taken over a room that a math teacher uses during the school year. It appears that the math teacher is also a coach.

So I am spending this day cleaning trash out of the classroom, arranging desks, and doing lesson plans. Oh, and blogging.

And thinking.

I know what I'm in for here. Well, kind of. I know that these students have failed their course for the year and need to make it up. I also know (because some of these students will be my former students) that some of them won't pass in summer school either, because they just don't care.

And that makes me think about a lot of other things. About people and life in general. About wanting more for yourself. About selling yourself out for stupid things. At least some people know better. I wonder if these students know better.

Bad things have happened to many of my students. Really bad things. And yet, the human race continues. We go through pain and mistakes and we continue. We chose to have babies and raise families, all the while knowing that there is pain in this life. But we do it because we want to or think it's the right thing or the best thing or it's just what human beings do. No one wants to be alone, and maybe togetherness will ease some of the shared pain.

I don't know.

As I live over my many mistakes, maybe this summer with these students full of pain will offer some kind of cleansing. Maybe we can share some pain and some literature and by July 1st something new and better will show itself for all of us.

My Favorite Sunday Secret This Week . . .

A Few Pics from the VW Show

We went to the Bay Area VW Club's VW Show at the San Jacinto Monument on May 17th. Here are some of the pics. More to follow when I can ever figure out how to download more pics from my cell phone.
The kids had a great time looking at all the cars! So many colors!!!!

My favorite car at the show.

Banana had to touch everything on every car.

Half a Decade

Noodle is five years old today!

And, again, no pics. I have them on my phone but cannot figure out how to download them onto the computer.

For her birthday, Noodle requested a mani-pedi and a movie. So yesterday, that's exactly what she got. She looked so cute and way too grown up for her own good as she sat in a cute little pink chair with butterfly wings on it. She was totally into getting pampered as her feet, legs, hands, and arms were massaged and her nails painted. She even got cute little designs on her nails. Too adorable. She thought she was a princess. Well, she IS!!!

Then we went to see Monsters vs. Aliens, which was really cute. She was so happy to go to the real movies. It was Noodle's perfect day.

And she is the best Noodle in the whole wide world!

When Noodle was born, she cried and cried and cried. I was so worried about her. It broke my heart to hear that little cry. But as soon as the nurses handed her to me, she stopped. Chicken Nugget and Noodle are five years apart, so I was a little bit scared that maybe I had lost my baby touch. But Noodle and I became close right away. I remember once when she was just about five or six months old, I had to leave her with a babysitter for a few hours. I hugged and kissed and cuddled little Noodle before handing her off, and I told the babysitter, "I'm not used to being away from her. She is just my little friend!"

The babysitter said she could tell that we were like a team. :o)

Now my little Noodle will be going off to big school next year. I can't believe it. Let me tell you, Noodle is really something special. She is very selective about handing out affection, and you know that it is really a treasure when Noodle gives you hugs and kisses. I've had to get used to that, since I'm an affectionate person, but it has just made me appreciate Noodle all the more.

Noodle loves to draw and paint and do any kinds of art. She also loves to sing. She is so talented, and she hangs a new picture on our bedroom door every other day. Noodle is very generous with her artwork, and when you come to visit us, you will not leave without about five pictures she has made for you.

Noodle, we love you so much and I am so glad you are part of our family! You are amazing! Happy birthday!

Relationships

I have been thinking (a dangerous past time, I know . . .) a lot about so many things as I've been on this journey of . . . uncertainty, I suppose you'd call it. This morning, my thoughts are about relationships.

Last night, I had dinner with a friend. We talked, had a nice time. Some of the things we talked about were important; other things weren't. But I left with the feeling that I was important to her.

It has occured to me that when it comes to relationships, no one wants to be someone else's agenda. Do you know what I mean? And while I've heard that concept many times while preparing for the ministry, I don't know if I was ever really taught it. (Maybe I was, and just don' remember . . .) Nor did I understand how to put it into words until just this morning.

A friend of mine recently told me that he has a problem with the concept of "missions trips." He said it's like going to a group of people and saying, "My God is better than your God." I had never really thought about it like that. And since I am in this process of rethinking pretty much everything in relation to God and faith, I've been rethinking the concept of missions trips as well. If I ever go on another one, I think I'd rather call it a relationship trip, or perhaps a friend-making trip. Not that I won't have convictions (I hope!) and a good message, but didn't Jesus even form relationships first? And won't there be real people to encounter, and won't the people be just as important as the message? Am I making sense?

The best friendships I have had through the years have been those in which I can laugh and talk a mile minute with the person, but also be able to sit in silence for a long time without feeling any need to talk. That is to say, there is such a comfort level that it doesn't matter what the other person is doing; there's no need for a schedule, there's no need to be something that we are not. The best relationships I have had have also been those in which just the sight of the person brings joy to my heart. Do you understand what I am saying? There's comfort in our likeness and our differences, there's beauty in our conversations, there's love whether we agree or not, and we both feel important to the other when we leave. No matter what is at the end of this path that I'm on, I do really know one thing: I want to show authentic love to other people.

Chicken Nugget

She is TEN today. TEN years old. Double digits. When did this happen?

Oh, yeah. Today.

I've been thinking about her birth a lot today. I had been having contractions for a week before the doctor decided to get things rolling. I was put in the hospital on Tuesday, the 19th, about 4pm. I began the induction process, and I remember a lot of friends and family coming in and out all that night and the next day. I remember watching the Columbine tragedy on TV while laboring. I remember pushing till I thought I could not push anymore, and at one point saying, "I cannot do this!" I remember finally hearing her cry and being overwhelmed with several emotions, and also being exhausted. They handed her to me; she was so tiny and as soon as she heard my voice, she looked right at me and stopped crying. Later that night, she and I were alone in the hospital room, and I held her and wept. I told her over and over how much I loved her and that I was so glad she was mine. I was overcome, and crying was all I knew to do. I didn't think I could ever love anyone that much.

The years have been crazy for the two of us. Being divorced from her dad before she was even a year old, then moving three times before she was four years old; getting remarried and watching she and BW have ups and downs, then moving once more before she was six. Then add three more people to the mix - but she's taken it all with grace and stride.

I have not always done right by her, but she is always gracious to accept my apologies and offer quick forgiveness. She is so special, and everyone who has ever known her says how wonderful she is. And, well, she is! I may have made many mistakes these past ten years, but thankfully, I have many more wonderful years with her to learn and grow and become better and better. She has taught me so much, and I am humbled by the amazing person that she is. I do not know what I'd do without her.

I love you, sweetie! Happy 10th!

Easter Pictures . . . Oh, Wait . . .

Yeah, I don't have any. That's because our stupid digital camera is, well, stupid. And dead. But let me try to paint the picture:

Chicken Nugget - satin-esque, sleeveless, white with diagonal blue stripes, wide waist of white ribbon with blue ribbon making a bow and a lovely blue jewel in the middle of the bow. White headband with flat bow. Off-white matte flats with slightly raised heel, cut-outs, and rhinestones. Ruffle socks. Stunning.

Noodle - blue cotton-blend sleeveless, white floral with tucks on the front, tied in the back. Gathered bottom. Lovely faux daisies (three) with blue beads in the center of each flower. Simple and elegant. White headband with gigantic white flower at the side. White sandals with silver flowers down the middle. Ruffle socks. Lovely.

Banana - blue plaid-patterned shorts with sky-blue belt, white button-down pique short seeve with collar, blue sweater with bunnies around the bottom edge. Argyle socks, white canvas strap shoes. Very country-club. Quite handsome.

Baby Butterbean - blue plaid Classic Pooh one-piece romper, short sleeves. Argyle socks. Blue puppy bib. Adorable.

Last night was fun; we dyed our Easter eggs. Again, due to stupid digital camera, please picture eggs colored with crayons and then dyed pastel pink, yellow, green, and blue. Twelve of them. After the dying, we made hamburgers and hot dogs. Then fixed up our Easter baskets with grass and our dyed eggs; Noodle had drawn about 12 pictures for the Easter Bunny, so she also put those in her basket; the Easter Bunny must have loved them, because he took them with him. Today, after church, I hid eggs for the kids, but inside; it was raining. They didn't seem to mind. I got nervous when one of the hard-boiled eggs still was not found, but thankfully it turned up about an hour later.

Church was good this morning. We had a cardboard testimony service. I had never seen one, and it was very moving, even for me - a dried-up cynic at this point. Most moving were my friends who held up their cardboard sign that said, "Three Failed Marriages Between Us" and on the other side, "Now a Blended Family Growing in Christ - Just Celebrated 4-yr Anniversary."

I don't know, still, about a lot of stuff, but I know that today's service was meaningful, and that the church's stage was full of people, my friends, who had found some kind of restorative power in a God that they personally know. Look at this to see a cardboard testimony service. I wish ours from this morning was on youtube, but this will give you the general idea anyway.

Hope you all had a blessed Easter, and found what you needed today. Much love to you all -

Poetry and Stuff

I'm putting some new stuff here.

It's just stuff that I don't think fits with family updates, etc.

Our Day in Downtown Houston at the Houston Zoo

We did park-and-ride. Houston has some good public transportation. Too bad it's not so good for getting into Houston, like the public transportation in San Francisco's Bay Area. It's getting better, though. There's now a bus you can catch from Baytown, but only at certain times of the day. But this is a post about our day in Downtown Houston and at the Houston Zoo, not about public transportation! So, the above picture is Buffalo Wings and the big kids walking to the train.

Here are the big kids waiting for the train to arrive.

As we waited for the train, I took some pics of downtown Houston. Above is a statue of a lady's head. Don't know who she is or why there's a statue of her head, but I thought it was cool.

Above and below: downtown Houston cityscape. I LOVE driving around in a big city. Though I like San Francisco better, Houston is still really fun to drive and walk around in.

The dazed children ride on the Metro.

The Houston Zoo is inside Hermann Park. George Hermann (whose lovely statue you can see above) is known as one of Houston's greatest benefactors, and Hermann Park is a wonderful place with lakes, trails, a train, playgrounds, and fountains.

The big kids in front of one of Hermann Park's fountains.

At the zoo - are those Houston lawn ornaments? Nope, those are the real thing!

Baby Butterbean was all like, "Man, I love those flamingos. I mean, they are really something!"

What was it with me and water fowl today? Above, Chicken Nugget and some pelicans.

Above, Noodle at the petting zoo. Below, Banana at the petting zoo. Goats are very friendly.

Above and below, the big kids at the reflection pool.

A picture of Hermann park's palm trees. That's right - green and lovely, and have been that way since mid-February. I'm not bragging. I'm just saying. To the right of those palm trees is the spray park, and let me tell you, there were plenty of kids getting soaked and cooling off after a long day in the toasty Houston sunshine.

Heading back to the train after a long day at the zoo.

One of downtown Houston's Metro trains.

A cool church downtown.

Did I mention that I like cityscapes?

Well, I do. A lot.

And while Houston is no San Francisco or Chicago, it's pretty spectacular in its own rite.

Cute Baby Playing in the Grass

Best Sisters

Saint Patrick's Day Adventure

Today, took the big kids to the San Jacinto Battleground and Monument. The monument has a museum in it; you can also watch a movie about the Texas Revolution (we opted not to today) and ride an elevator 50 stories up to the observation deck, which is just below the star at the top of the mounument (we took the elevator ride - scary!).
It started out to be a foggy and drizzly Saint Patrick's Day. Even so, I wanted to take a picture of all the kids in fron of the azalea bushes before we got into the van. Baby Butterbean didn't care to accompany us on our tour of Texas history, so he stayed home with Dad. Besides, BB had had a long night of teething and Dad had stayed up with him, so they were both pretty tuckerd out. And believe you me, learning about the Battle of San Jacinto can really use up lots of energy.

Our journey began as we traveled for minutes and minutes to get to the monument (which is like two miles from our house). Most exciting on our journey was the ferry ride. The ferry pictured is not the one on which we rode, but it's just like the one we rode. I took this picture from the van (which was on the ferry at the time).

At last! Our perserverence paid off. We made it to the monument. We looked around inside for a little bit, exclaiming over swords and guns and the portrait of the evil Santa Anna, and rejoicing over at portraits and articles of Colonel Sidney Sherman and Sam Houston. OK, so it was more like me going, "There's Sidney Sherman! Say, 'Yay, Sidney Sherman!'" and the kids repeating, but I think it sunk in a little bit.

All around the monument is the battleground. There are also lots of nature trails as *the oil companies try to make up for all the damage they have done* the historical society has tried to recreate the natural coastal prarie as it was at the time of the battle. We went on a great nature trail.

We did't see any crabs, otters, fish, or snakes, as the nature trail sign had promised, but we did see lots of birds. It was really cool.

Too bad it was so dang foggy. It would have been a great shot of the monument in the background.

We stopped for a quick photo op in front of the reflection pool before going across the street to see the rest of the battleground and to look at the Battleship Texas, which is docked there. We didn't get out and go in, just looked at it from the van. We decided to save it for a day when Grandma and Pappa are here.

But our adventure was not quite over! Banana and Noodle were in severe need of haircuts. So we had some lunch at KFC and then went to great clips, but we had to get a "before" shot of the overgrown mops.

Oh, so nice! After - now we can see Banana's eyes again! And Noodle, well, she had done some damage to her hair previously which could only be corrected with layers. Now, it's all one length again. However, no matter the length or layer, those kids are adorable, if I do say so myself!

Home again and the fog had burned off, so the three big kids went back to where we started this morning, with the blooming brillant azaleas - and a brilliant St. Patrick's Day adventure - behind them.

More Saturday Morning Pictures

When Noodle saw I was taking pictures, she also had to ham it up. She said, "Take my picture holding Baby Butterbean's puppy!"

Well, when Banana realized we were now incorporating props into the photo session, he ran to get his monster-truck-tire earmuffs that he got at the monster truck show a couple of months back.

Then they posed.
Then I said, "Give me your biggest smiles EVER!"

So they did: