Still On the Journey

We got Baby Butterbean and ourselves all ready to go yesterday morning, only to get a call from the doctor telling us we would need to reschedule the appointment. We were disappointed. We wanted to know what is wrong with him right now!!!! But we will have to wait until Aug. 28 to find out.

This week I haven't felt too well, but I felt better yesterday and I feel better today. I spent yesterday shopping for school stuff. Scott has been at school getting his new room all set up. He has had to move rooms because his previous classroom (that has been his classroom for the past two years!) has asbestos under the floor and must be renovated! Yikes! Moving rooms is a huge job for a teacher, especially if you've been in one room for awhile and have made a little nest for yourself. So Scott is working hard this week. I'll be going up to my school to organize my nest tomorrow.

Last week we were in Arkansas. We got in some good Grandma, Pappa, Uncle Matt, Aunt Lisa, cousin Trevor, Aunt Elizabeth, and cousin McNary time. I also got to see my beloved Courtney and Rachel, my BFF of course! (CBB, make sure Rachel sees this!) I got to have long talks with people that I love about things that matter, and even though we didn't come up with any concrete answers, we felt better knowing that our struggles were the same.

We did fun stuff last week, like having Elizabeth go with us and the kids to Wild River Country; going out for Chinese food with the family; having the McNary cousins over for dinner; taking the kids to MidAmerica Museum, the Promenade, and Bathhouse Row in Hot Springs; and celebrating Daddy's 76th birthday with homemade chocolate meringue pie. Again, as soon as we learn to upload videos, you will be able to see some of our adventures!

So, I'm still on this journey of uncertainty and wondering. I may not ever have the answers I am looking for, but at this point, assurance and peace would be welcome friends in the absence of answers. What a year it has been! I think about it every day, how one event really has changed every aspect of my thinking. That change in thinking has in turn changed my life, my outlook. I used to feel like I was on a mountain and could see everything beautiful and green and clear all around me. Everything was in its place and everything made sense, everything mattered. Now I feel like I am chopping my way through a dense forest, full of trees I can't climb and rivers I can't cross and predators in wait all around me. Nothing is certain, nothing makes sense, and I'm constantly being tripped up by debris on the path, trying to figure out what matters.

Much love to all of you -