I Train Brazilian Jiu Jitsu

I train Brazilian jiu jitsu.

I am a teacher and a mother of four. I am five foot, one inch tall, and weigh 165 pounds. i am almost 35 years old, not much to look at, and I train jiu jitsu.

Before I go to class every day, I have already gotten up at 4:30am, gotten myself and the kids ready and out the door for the day, and tried to teach 150 ninth-graders to love reading and writing. I have come home, done some chores, put on a gi, and gotten myself and my daughter to the gym.

I have never had an athletic bone in my body, and now I take classes in three forms of martial arts: Brazilian jiu jitsu, karate, and kickboxing. It's come slowly over this past year: first jiu jitsu, then kickboxing (which I never can attend as much as I want), then karate. Over the past year, I have been beaten up, bruised up, twisted up, pinched up, and stiffened up, but I have never given up.

I came to martial arts in my own time, at the right time, and I learn in real time. It's not easy, and I have to work hard. I learn at my own pace, at my own level, and I am taking this as my own journey. I think I am close to allowing myself to let it be mine, and to accept myself where I am. I want to accept that it will take time for me travel the rest of the way. I hope that "the rest of the way" takes a long, long time, and that I never stop learning.

I have been to two belt tests and one competition for jiu jitsu. These were hard-won, hard-earned milestones. I have never had athletic abilities. At least, none that I k new of before finding martial arts. None of the movements come naturally to me in jiu jitsu. Every technique involves several intricate parts, and my brain and body working together often confuse one another. I have off days, just like everyone, but I don't stop working.

I like to close my eyes when I roll. It helps me breathe. When I take off my glasses, I am legally blind. And yet, I can make it through a roll, I have landed a punch or two, and I have gotten in a few kicks that went the right way.

I am not a failure, and I won't listen to that little voice that says I am.

My limitations make me work harder. They make me stronger.

I am a woman. I was born with natural emotions that have to be released. I am a woman, I behave like a woman, and I train martial arts like a woman. I won't apologize for that. I will control myself when necessary, and cry when I need to. I can train with focus, I can train with strength, and i will do both.

I train at a gym filled with people who give the best of themselves to bring out the best in me. i train at a gym that advocates for women in the sport. I train with supportive men and women have become more than friends - they are my family, and I love them dearly. They are amazing, and I want to be amazing like they are.

When it comes down to it, I am just cells wrapped in tissue. I am made out of earth and meant to one day return to earth. But when i throw a punch, and I land that punch, I feel with ever fiber of my cell-and-tissue-and-earth being that I'm really alive. I feel like I have found that thing outside myself that I can do. I feel strong. I believe that I am strong.

I am a short, chubby, thirty-something, vision-impaired teacher and mother who trains Brazilian jiu jitsu, karate, and kickboxing. I will never stop.