I Wish I Could Train

I wish I could train every single day.

I wish I could train in the morning, first thing when I wake up. But I don't wish for less time with the sleepy little boys snuggled up next to me.

I wish I could train at noon, but I don't begrudge the 150 pairs of eyes on me all day long, waiting for me to tell them something important and to place some hope in their hands.

I wish I could train every single night, but I don't resent the mouths that need to be fed, the baths that need to be given, the bedtime stories that need to be read.

I wish that on the nights that I do train, I wasn't so tired and weary from the long hours of the day, but I do take that hour of training as a gift and try to use it well.

I wish that I had come into martial arts back in the day; back when I was younger, with fewer responsibilities, with more time to train. I wish that my life had grown up around BJJ instead of BJJ popping up unexpectedly as it did.

No . . . I don't wish that. I am so glad that BJJ popped up. It just might have been the thing that saved me at just the right time.

I just wish . . .

But I'm happy. What if I had never found BJJ? What if this passion were not inside me? My friend the other day said that all the things I mentioned above are not limitations. They are priorities and joys of my life. It's true. I have so many great things going on in my life. It's just that sometimes, I daydream about being on the mat. I come home exhausted and mentally drained and wonder if I have the juice to train, and sometimes I just don't. So . . . I wish there were more time. But there just isn't.

So what do I do? Take it as part of my journey. Go with it. Train when I can and take it, as I said, as a gift. That's what it is. It's a gift. A gift that makes me wish for me, and how can that be a bad thing? The trap in life could be wishing for less, and that's a wish that you can be sure will always come true. So may I ALWAYS just keep wishing for more.