Bad Few Days

I started feeling bad again on Monday night. I missed a meeting at church. I had taken the kids to my friend's house in the very early afternoon. My friend and I did some scrapbooking while the kids played. It was a fine day until . . . just before we got ready to leave, I started feeling puky. I was trying so hard to hold it together while I packed everything up and loaded up the kids. By the time I started the van, I was dry-heaving.

I've been having lots of headaches, feeling puky, and feeling in-general just not good, and also very tired and run-down.

I had to cancel a sub job that I had already lined up for Tuesday and I rejected one that called me early this morning. I am going to try my best to make it to the job I have lined up for tomorrow.

I guess my body misses my old friend, Zofran. Buffalo Wings just got me a refill.

On the plus side, my sciatica has magically disappeared! It has not bothered me for days. I am so thankful.

On another plus side, I found the strength to vacuum the floors today. I've never been so thankful for the strength to vacuum.

I don't know why this is a difficult pregnancy. I mean, I am not having difficulties - as in, no high blood pressure, no diabetes, the baby looks great and is thriving - but I just feel pretty bad most of the time. I felt really good with my last pregnancy. I guess they really are all different, and you can't predict your next pregnancy due to your previous one.

I am praising God for the little life that is growing inside me. I am humbled every time I think about it. We are blessed, and I do not take that for granted. I do not take any of my children for granted. I do not take my husband for granted. I've been crying today because I feel so guilty for not being able to go to work, take care of the house, take care of the things that moms and wives should be taking care of . . . but BW was so comforting, as always, and told me not to worry. He took care of me. He cooked supper. He never, ever complains. He is a dear and wonderful man. I'm so glad he's my hubby and the father of our beautiful kids.

I am also praising God because I know that so many are praying for me, all over the world. Talk about humbling. What a blessing is the Family of God. I love all of you so much and am praying for you too. The blessing of my brothers and sisters in Christ, who love God and who love me, is something that absolutely moves me to tears and moves me beyond words. Thank you for praying.

Much love to all of you.

Eleven Weeks and Puky Days Pregnant

Ugh.

I've been holding off on this post. I don't want to complain. But is it complaining if you simply state facts?

I feel nauseated. Not all the time, but most of the time. My doctor gave me some pills to help with the nausea, and they help. But they don't take it completely away. And right now, I am really, really nauseated. And I'm trying to convince myself that I really do not have to throw up. I'm doing everything I can to keep myself from throwing up. That's because I am afraid that if I start throwing up, I will not stop until 15-20 weeks of pregnancy. And that's too many weeks away for me to think of that as a viable option.

When I was pregnant with each girl, I had terrible, terrible nausea and throwing up. I threw up daily. I threw up water. I thought my tiny babies were going to die. I lost weight. My doctors would reassure and try very hard to help me. After about the 15th or so week, it all subsided. And my desire for children was so great that I still wanted to go through it again. So after I found out I was pregnant with #3, the fear set in, after the initial joy. Will I throw up for 15-20 weeks again? Will this be awful and horrible, again? But it wasn't. There was just a bit of nausea and no throwing up, and it passed fairly quickly.

I hear that when you are pregnant with a girl, you have more nausea because there are more "girl" hormones in your body - yours and your baby's. I don't know. But having experienced more nausea with the girls than I did with Banana, I am wondering if this baby is not another girl. That would make sense to me. I want to name her Annie.

Anyway, we have decided not to have any more of our own children. We want more children, of course. Very much so. But I just don't know if I can put my body through this again. And the more children to take care of during pregnancy, the harder everything else seems. So we will adopt. There are so many children who need a loving home, and we'd have a great family to welcome a couple more kids into.

So, I'm not trying to complain. Just saying that this bit of pregnancy is rough, with nausea and extreme fatigue. It's like I'm hungry, but so afraid to eat. But I also know from experience that when this stage passes, there will be no food that I will fear! Food will taste wonderful again, and I'll eat with abandon. Wild abandon.

The Cat Being Out of the Bag . . .

Yay! We're going to have another baby! I'm so, so, so excited! As I've been sharing the news here and there (OK, everywhere!), I've been getting that trepidatious look as people say,
"Are . . . you . . . happy about this?"

And I say, "Yes! We're ecstatic! We've always wanted more kids."

After taking the pregnancy tests, I told Buffalo Wings that I wanted to wait till Christmas to start really telling people. But that I needed to call my brother and tell him that we weren't telling Mamma and Daddy till Christmas, sort of as a Christmas surprise. And I had to call my friends E and K and tell them. But that was it. That was it.

Well, that lasted till the next day!

I could hardly get through the next few days. I was so thrilled, overwhelmed, and feeling blessed. I'm going to be a mom again! I'm going to have a sweet little brand-new baby! I can't help it. I'm overjoyed.

Some people, as I've told them, have chastised me:
"I understand about God taking care of things and all that, but it's just not economical to have that many children this day and age."
"Are you sure you can handle four children?"
And these are well-meaning responses from friends who feel they are watching out for me and my family. So I just respond positively and continue to feel happy for myself and for the rest of my family. And I know that God takes care of things, even if may not seem economical to have several children, and that we are also doing our best to take care of things and plan carefully.

Chicken Nugget didn't take the news as well as I'd hoped. I told her on the way home from school the other day. She kind of frowned and made a disappointed sound. I said, "How do you feel about this? Are you ok?"
She said, "I'm kinda sad and kinda not. You know, there will be the hair-pulling and the scratching and the biting . . ."
I said, "Well, you could hide from the baby."
She responeded, "Yeah . . . but it will find me."

Sweet girl. I felt bad for her, but then I watched her in the backseat today. She was sitting between her brother and her sister, and was entertaining them. This was without prompting. This was not they're-bothering-me-so-I'd-better-entertain-them. This was CN playing with her brother and sister just for the sheer joy of making them happy and seeing them laugh. She told them both how beautiful they were. It was such a great picture to see, and I was rest assured that she'd be just as happy over her new brother or sister.

My mother said it was hard for her not to buy baby things at the store the other day. She's already planning the colors for the new baby quilt - pastels. She's not made one of my babies a pastel quilt yet.

My brother, silly-head that he is, said, "Send it back! Send it back! Now I have to buy more presents at Christmas!"

By my best estimation, I'm about 4-5 weeks pregnant, and the baby should be here early to mid July. I'll correct my Lilypie baby ticker on the 12th, which is my first doctor's appointment. I'll of course know more on that day.

I was doing chores today, thinking about the baby, and I just felt so normal about it all. Happy, ecstatic, thrilled, overjoyed, but normal. Like this is the most natural thing that should be happening in our lives right now. No uncertainty. No fear. Just as if, well, why shouldn't this be happening?

Thanks so much to all of you - we have felt you rejoicing with us! Much love to all of you!