Achluophobia

I am afraid of the dark. My dad used to sing a hymn to me when I was a little girl, and my mom said that every time I heard it, I would cry:

"When you walk through the storm / hold your head up high / and don't be afraid of the dark"

I can't remember the origin of this fear, but since older siblings are always the best direction for which to point fingers, I'll blame them. Surely it has something to do with scary stories they told me, or scary movies they watched while I was growing up.

It could not possibly have anything to do with my over-active imagination.

I have carried this fear with me all my life. Even at age thirty, as I sooth and ease the fears of my three little ones, I sometimes lay terrified at night. Even with my husband beside me. I feel terror. Even though there are small lights throughout the house, so that there's never utter darkness. I'm even afraid of the semi-dark.

Yesterday, while on my lunch break at work, the store lost power. I was in the break room, which has no windows. Just off the break room is the hallway, where the bathrooms are located. Again, there are no windows. There's no opportunity for light to break through.

I was writing something down in the break room when I heard a loud crash, a beep, and then was suddenly all alone in darkness and silence. I was terrified to the point of tears. All I could think about was steering myself toward the direction of the door, finding my way down the hallway, and entering some kind of light as soon as I could.

I knew that Beth was the nearest co-worker I'd be able to locate, so I started screaming for her like a little girl.

"Beth! Beth! Beth!"

I yelled it several times until a customer heard me.

"What do you want?" yelled the customer.

"I want to find somebody!" I answered, by that time having made it from the depths of the break room and into the pitch-black hallway.

"Are you scared?" called the customer.

"A little," I said. (A lot - I thought!)

Had I known what was in front of me, I would have run.

I made it into the store area, where light came in from the glass front doors and windows, and I felt instant relief. Before long, I recovered. But I wouldn't so much as venture into the restroom, not even with a flashlight, not even if my life had depended upon it.

However, I knew that if I had not been in the break room alone when the lights went out, or if I had someone else to go with me back into the dark, my fear would have lessened quite a bit.

My experience sent my mind here:

"You are my lamp, O Lord; the Lord turns my darkness into light." 2 Samuel 22:29

"If I say, 'Surely the darkness will hide me, and the light become night around me,' even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you." Psalm 139: 11-12

"The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of the shadow of death a light has dawned." Isaiah 9:2

"This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all." 1 John 1:5

"There will be no more night. They will not need the light of a lamp or the light of the sun, for the Lord God will give them light." Revelation 22: 5

It's silly, my achluophobia. It's a silly little earthly fear. And I understand the spiritual, not the physical, aspect of the above verses. In my (many) times of spiritual darkness, God has been my light and I have not been afraid. But I have to say that I am looking forward to entering my eternal Home, never experiencing night or fear again, walking and living in the Light of my God forever.

Much to Muse

Tomorrow is our wedding anniversary. We'll be married four years. Those years have gone by in a snap. Truly, I can hardly recall where they've gone. From shivering and fighting blizzard after blizzard in a very deep Northern part of Iowa, to welcoming two babies, one right after the other, to wiping sweat from our brows on our first day in Texas . . . it's been a fast, fast four years.

This night four years ago, I was relaxing with my girls in the hotel. We swam, sat in the sauna, had all manner of silliness in our room. It was a wonderful, wonderful time.

Our wedding was absolutely beautiful. It was so simple, so home-made, yet still beautiful. We tried very hard to glorify the Father who had given us to one another. We had songs of grace and of the Father's love; we shared communion with our guests. We made sure that there was a full gospel message presented, as marriage is an earthly reflection of our relationship with Christ. It was beautiful. Simple, home-made, and beautiful.

And it wouldn't have been all that it was without all the friends and family who lended hands and hearts to make it so. Whether it was coordinating who would stand where, playing piano and singing, ushering, decorating the cake, placing greenery on tables at the reception, or just offering a steady hand . . . thank you all, all of you who we love so much, who helped make our wedding the beautiful day that it was.

And here I am, a married lady of (almost) four years, and I have a vibrant and growing family. I have hopes and dreams and gifts. I have a man who encourages me. I feel so often that I am not what I'm supposed to be. I didn't finish seminary (yet). I haven't finished any of the books I've been writing for years. I haven't read those intellectual books that have been sitting on my shelf. I'm not as good , as pretty , as talented , had as great adventures, as well-versed, as articulate as (there are several I could name) - - - on and on and on, and every one of those "not as" statements, nothing more than a lie whispered into my ear by the enemy. Something to distract me from all the gifts that surround me. Even more dangerous, that I might be distracted from the opportunities to minister to the hearts of those nearest me. Or to miss opportunities in my neighborhood or greater community. It is difficult to see anything but my own failures, if I listen to those well-worded lies.

Thank you, Scott. You are my darling. You help me ward off those lies. You tell me they are not true. I pray that I may be a helpmeet to you. I pray that I might not fail you, as I so often have. I am glad that four years ago tomorrow, we became each other's.

My beloved is mine, and I am his . . . Song of Solomon 2:16

10-to-10 Donuts

I'm on my way, ya'll! Before you know it, there will be a 10-to-10 Donut Shop in your very own neighborhood! The above was my (our) first attempt at home-made donuts. These are cake donuts, not yeast. We made the dough last night, since it had to chill, and rolled it out, cut out the donuts, fried them up, and glazed them this morning. One thing I need to get is a real donut cutter instead of using just a cup. I also need to thicken the glaze by adding more powdered sugar (which will also improve the taste!). The girls had fun cutting the donuts, and even though some of them took on more of a blob shape than a donut one, they still tasted great! Especially after the girls added sprinkles. See photos below, which attest to yumminess of taste regardless of donut-like shape:

She's Coming Home!

Chicken Nugget comes home from camp today! Yay! I'm excited. I think Noodle is, too, but she expresses it a bit differently than I do.

I said, "I can't wait to see Chicken Nugget today!"

Noodle said, "I can't wait to buy my gum today!"

Lots to Talk About

Yesterday, we went here. It was so much fun. There's some great play areas for the kids, and I love being by the water. The trees are full of beautiful Spanish moss, too. I love that Spanish moss. There is sometimes something . . . I can't think of a word for it . . . but just something about living in Coastal Texas.

Chicken Nugget left for camp yesterday. :o(

It is happy for her, sad for me. I can't believe she is big enough to do things like that. This is not the first time she's been away for a period of time, but it is the first time she's been away with someone other than family. On Sunday night, she and Noodle asked to have a "slumber party" with me, which means that poor Dad gets to ride the couch while the girls pile in bed with me. We spent lots of time cuddling and saying how much we'll miss each other and how much we love each other and talking about what camp is going to be like, before finally drifting off to sleep.

Noodle has asked when we're going to get Chicken Nugget about 50 times already. I know it will be a fast week, but still. She's not a baby anymore, my little Chicken Nugget. She called last night and said, "I just wanted to tell you that I'm doing great and I'm having a great time at camp!"

Buffalo Wings started teaching summer school yesterday. It was registration, so he didn't do any teaching (he's teaching Geometry). Today is a work day and he'll get his room assignment. Tomorrow he'll have students. He's excited about teaching Geometry, since it is something he has not taught.

We're still working on getting me into Region IV. I sent in my application, but it turns out that I am six credits short on English requirements. So it looks like I'll be taking some English classes, mid-summer or maybe starting in the fall. It depends on when I find out what courses I need to take to qualify for the program.

Here's what I'm thinking at the moment:

1. Complete Region IV - become a teacher.

2. As I am teaching, finish seminary.

3. After seminary, pursue my goal of becoming a chiropractor.

BW said, "Wow. That's a lot."

But I'm not really on a strict schedule, so I have plenty of time to do all of these things.

In the meantime, I am looking at a job change. But I'll say some more about that later.

Life is good!

Love to all of you -

Another Reason to Come Visit the Tasty Names . . .

We got a great new spray park near our house!

However, you will be so tired after you go, that you will fall asleep eating. Like this:

Banana was wiped out after playing at the spray park. That's because there are so many things to do there. Like this: And pipes that spray water, like these:

And even a palm tree that rains water down on you! Like this one:

Before Banana's exhaustion, he was acting like this:

And Noodle was making some new friends as she splashed around:

So was Chicken Nugget:

Banana enjoyed the arch of water that spouted up directly out of the ground! It made him very happy, as you can see:

The rings that sprayed water seemed to be Chicken Nugget's favorite:And Noodle would take time out every now and then to run over to me and try to be cute:

She didn't have to try too hard.

The girls enjoyed getting rained on by the palm tree:

And sometimes, all three kids would somehow find one another all at one time:

This one of Chicken Nugget running through the spray rings seems kind of artistic to me:

So, you see, there really is no excuse to come visit us. I will take you to the spray park! You will love it! Added perks: It is completely enclosed, so that you don't have to worry about the kids running off (or yourself, if you are inclined to run off and need to be enclosed); the water that runs through the spray park is recycled, so it doesn't waste unused water all day long; AND - - the best part - - it is FREE!!!! Local government using our tax dollars for something fun!!! Yay, local government!

Um . . . WHY are you not coming to visit us now????

Smudges

Visitors are coming
So I'm cleaning . . .
Just about finished . . .
Floors mopped,
Dishes done,
Bathrooms spotless, beds made . . .
Certain signs of life swept away.

And then
I came
to the glass

Our sliding glass doors
that look out to the driveway,
Covered in smudges

They screamed,
"Three little children live here!"
In perfectly preserved prints,
small lines that identify each child,
inside the shapes of small fingers and palms,
each print a little higher than the other
and a little bigger.

"We like to stand here and watch
as Daddy comes home from work!
As Mommy gets in from the grocery shopping!"
Each little lined hand-shape said.

Even nose shapes
And silly little lip-shapes
Where silly little mouths
Had made silly faces through the glass
Before tumbling into giggles.

I found it hard to wipe away the smudges,
The happy reminders that three little ones live here
And that they love
And that they watch for homecomings
Or kitties out in the yard
Or snails on the grass.

Three little children live here
And they leave their smudges
And I'm their mommy
And I'm happy about all that.

An Empress By Any Other Name . . .

We recently bought the movie The Neverending Story for Chicken Nugget. I really liked it when I was a kid, and I thought she would too (she does); also, it was really cheap to buy!

I watched it with her and it got to the end, you know, where Bastian yells a new name for the empress. He yells out the window and there's lots of wind and rain and you cannot understand the beautiful name that he gives the empress, though it was a beautiful name (his mother's).

After watching the movie, it reminded me of this blog post which posed the question as to what the name actually was. It sparked quite a conversation (note the comments).

I have to say that after watching it carefully and moving very close to the screen to try get a very close look at Bastian's mouth as he screamed the name, I do believe that it is Moonchild, and not Lisa as I had originally ascertained.

Noodle's Birthday Party

The birthday girl!

This is her "3" candle, after she ate the bottom of it. She blew it out, took it out of the cake, and just took a big bite of it. I guess it looks edible! She found out, it wasn't.

Her special cake!

Brother of the birthday girl, enjoying some hot dogs and chips.

The Tasty Names kids!

Some of the guests!

Happy Birthday to you!

She just blew out the candle in this pic.

We decorated cupcakes. Molly took the orange sprinkles that we were passing around and dumped them on her cake. She also dumped them straight into her mouth, but we unfortunately didn't get a shot of that one.

Two of the cupcakes that guests decorated.

Opening some great gifts!

Nice shot of the back of my head there . . . and some half-eaten bbq chicken on someone's plate.

One Saturday . . .

The kids and I went outside to play and noticed that there was a safety fair right across the street! They were having bike safety tips.

Banana kicked back and enjoyed some free chips!

Noodle enjoyed a train ride.

And she rode a two-wheeler (sort of - it had training wheels) for the first time.

A great smiley picture of Chicken Nugget!

Brave Noodle, on the big slide!

Chicken Nugget - cute girl, pretty flowers.

Security

Poor Chicken Nugget. It seems she has the gift of frequent pottying, just like her mommy. Last night as I was going to bed, Chicken Nugget, who had been sleeping for a few hours, got up to use the bathroom. It is annoying not to be able to sleep through the night for having to get up to go potty. But, it gave Chicken Nugget and I an opportunity for a little hug and sugar before she headed back to bed.

However, like an episode of the Simpsons, the first five minutes of this story have little or nothing to do with the rest of it.

I thought Chicken Nugget was headed back to bed. But thirth seconds later, she emerged into the doorway of our bedroom. Very groggily, she kind of walked around in a circle, blinked, and headed to our bed, halting every few steps.

"What are you doing, sweetie?" I asked her.

"I'm getting up here," she mumbled, and it was scarcely audible.

Buffalo Wings was already mostly asleep, but when she got into our bed, he looked up, put on a silly face, and looked into her sleepy face.
"What are you doing?" he asked, in his silly daddy voice.

"I'm sleeping in your bed," she answered, settling in and pulling covers around herself.

We shrugged and settled in ourselves.

It's been awhile since Chicken Nugget has gotten into bed with us in the night. But as I snuggled next to her, I was happy about it. Our eight-year-old feels safe enough to get into bed with mom and dad for no good reason. There's not going to be any trouble for her to snuggle next to us. She just wants to get into our bed, so she does it.

As I drifted off to sleep, I thought about children who live worlds apart from the world my kids live in. No, I'm not a perfect mom. At times, I'm not even a good mom. Sometimes a really terrible mom! But at least . . . I'm a safe mom, and my kids think that being with mom (and dad) is a safe place to be. I know that many children out there don't have that sense of safety, that crawling into mom and dad's bed would be the last thing on their mind, that fear might be a way of life. I'm thankful that BW and I can offer a safe place for the kids God has given us.

As we are considering becoming foster parents, as I drifted off to sleep, I also thought that maybe God will let us help someone else feel safe someday. Maybe there's a little girl out there who really wants to crawl into bed with mom and dad . . . maybe one day she'll stumble into our bedroom some night and find safety and comfort there. I hope so.

Happy Birthday, Noodle!

Noodle's birthday was on Thursday! She turned three. We had her birthday party today, and it was so much fun! Pictures to come soon.

I love Noodle so much and am so glad that God sent her into our lives three years ago. We have been blessed beyond belief. She is wonderful, lively, fun, full of laughter and energy, and though she is a bit stingy with her hugs and sugars, the ones that she gives are outstanding!

We all love you Noodle! Happy birthday!

Kindness

Community is a wonderful thing.

We had not lived in Texas long when one day, Chicken Nugget and I were driving down the road. We saw out in a field that there were some Texas Longhorns and some white cranes all congregating together.

"Now that," said Chicken Nugget, in her usual dramatic way, "That is a community."

She had just learned in school about different species of animals who, though they may be very different in many ways, occupy the same space and help each other out in some way.

I really like that illustration of community.

I have several communities in my own life, as does most everyone. I have my family community, my immediate neighborhood, my Sunday school and the larger church as a whole; I have a work community, and my work community is inside a larger community, which many might know as a mall.

In the mall are several independent shopowners. One in particular, Mr. Sam, owns a formal dress shop. He comes into our store on occasion to buy nice work shirts. The first time I saw him, he had his back to me as he was speaking with another associate. I noticed that he had some lint on his suit jacket, so I got the lint brush and brushed it off for him. He left the store and returned with a pocket calendar and pen set with the name of his store on it, and told me if I needed anything for a special occasion, to come see him.

Mr. Sam is a dear grandpa of a man, with a thick accent; he is from Iran. He is full of gentleness and kindness and I am so glad he is part of my community. Since we met, I have made it a point to go into his store to look around if I can when I am on a break, and he particularly likes it if I am out shopping with the kids, that I bring the kids into the store so that he can see them. I don't see him often, but when I do, he always has warmth and kind words and a hug for me and the kids if they are with me. He is the same way to my coworkers and I would probably not be wrong in assuming, with everyone he knows.

Yesterday, I had some errands to run and decided to go by the mall to look at some sales. Mr. Sam was standing outside his store when the kids and I came by, and he was right there to greet us and make us feel special. Noodle started talking about her upcoming birthday party, and Mr. Sam said, "Come, you must come into my store."

We walked in and started looking around and he said, "You must choose a dress!"

I said, "Oh, Mr. Sam, I wish I could; they're all so beautiful."

He said, "No, no, it is my gift to Noodle for her birthday!"

I was stunned to the point of tears. Mr. Sam gave Noodle a dress right off the rack! He got her out of the stroller, asked her which dress she would like, and helped her find just the right size. She felt like a princess and didn't want to take the dress off. I tried to protest, but Sam said, "No, no, it is my gift. You choose which dress."

He quietly wrapped up the dress and handed me the bag, ducking his head and avoiding every one of my attempts to praise him.

This after telling me that business had been very slow for him just recently.

It may seem small to anyone else, this story. Not that incredible, not that exciting. But I am still emotional just thinking about it. It may have even small to Mr. Sam, but it was wonderful for Noodle and me. Thank you, Mr. Sam for your kindness.

Just a little update from the Tasty Names Family

Things are going well in the Tasty Names household. In fact, life is good! I included the above picture because I love the Life is Good series of clothing, but also because it reminds me of my life in Marin County. It was during my time there that I started running. Since I left CA, I haven't been running that much. It was a little hard to run on the snow in Iowa, and it's been a challenge to learn the right times of day to get out and run here in Texas so as not to suffer from a heat stroke. In fact, the first time I went for a run down here was about a week or so after we moved in, and I almost did have a heat stroke! I got home and collapsed on the lawn. Chicken Nugget was outside playing and as things started to get fuzzy and far away for me, I told her she needed to go get Dad right away, and make sure he came out with a glass of water. Thankfully, everything was fine.

We've been here long enough to learn the climate, and the relatively cool times of day (relatively). For the past couple of days, I have been going to a lovely, shady park here in town. It has a great walking track and I have been utilizing it! Since it's been such a long while since I've done any kind of good running, I decided just to test the waters. I really surprised myself! After several times around the track, doing some brisk walking and pumping my hand weights, I decided to use my last few times around to see how I'd do running, and I did great! I'm not up to a mile again yet, but I don't think it will take that long. Hopefully soon, I'll be back up to running four miles at a time like I did in CA.

I have to thank Leslie Sansone again for getting me back in some kind of shape so that I had the endurance to try the running thing again.


Just last week, I turned in my application for Region 4! It has taken me several months to take the plunge, because we had some decisions to make about where our family would be in the coming year. As it stands, everything will be the same for now, so we decided it would be best for me to proceed with become a teacher liscensed to teach in the state of Texas. I am nervous, excited, and apprehensive about the whole thing, but am also ready to dive right in and become a teacher!

This summer we'll be taking quite a trip! Buffalo Wings is teaching summer school, so after his session (end of July-early August), we'll have a two to two-and-a-half week vacation! We can NOT wait! Our first stop will be in Texarkana to see Charley and Marianne, and I cannot find enough joyful words to express how I feel about seeing them again! We were at GGBTS together, and they (like so many others) took Chicken Nugget and me in and loved us and what's more - Charley is from Arkansas AND has the same birthday as me! Marianne seems like she is from AR because she does a great AR accent and she is CRAZY!!!! I just cannot wait to see them and their sweet boy Joshua!

The above picture is from Bella Vista, AR. We will see beautiful scenery like this as we travel into the Ozarks to visit my Aunt Nancy. I cannot wait to see that dear lady! She's never seen Banana, and the last time we all saw her, Noodle was about eight or nine weeks old. We are definitely due a visit! And Aunt Nancy is a sweet and gracious host, always happy to have company and treating any visitor like royalty. She's got a great house with a fabulous deck that looks out into her wooded yard. I'm looking forward to some relaxing evenings of good coversation and a glass of good wine out on her deck, as we watch dusk turn to dark over the beautiful mountain trees.

Ah, Iowa!!! Drink in that skyline, folks. Just drink it in. We'll be there before you know it. Oh, you didn't recognize it? Yeah, I almost didn't, either. It's Des Moines! Stops in Iowa will likely include Winterset to see some dear old friends and some covered bridges, Knoxville to see Grandma and Grandpa and more friends, Pella for a walk down memory lane (that's where we got married, on the campus of Central College) and some Dutch letters and some tiptoeing through some tulips, and possibly LeMars and Britt or someplace in the middle to see some more friends.

And then - and then - on to Chicago!!!! We'll have some pizza, hot dogs, see a Cubs game, go to the aquarium, the Sears tower, and who knows what all! It was my suggestion to go on up to Chicago, since we'll be so close, and BW thought that was a great idea. He adores the city, and he is a die-hard Cubs fan. I'd never known anyone who truly lives and dies with a team, but BW really does just that with the Cubs. So we're all very excited about what our summer adventure has to offer us!

In the meantime, we'll be wrapping up school, BW will start summer school, BW and I will celebrate our fourth wedding anniversary on June 14, I'll continue with CWJC and begin with a new ministry team at church, the New Vision Ministry Team. We look forward to seeing some other great friends, Jonathan and Tamara, and going to AnitaMarita's wedding shower! The Woodard family will be coming to Houston to visit us, and we look forward to a fun week of Vacation Bible School during the last week of June - I get to teach the missions class again! I can't wait to give more and more updates as the summer unfolds!

Much love to all of you, and I cannot WAIT to hear about all your summer plans!