Excited, Overjoyed, Nervous, Anxious, Scared

These are the pictures I am taking to Mississippi. I want to be able to look at my family every day. I know that I will miss them so much. We (the mission trip participants) are not allowed to take cell phones, so I may be unable to talk to my family for the entire week. For a mom of very small children, this is a difficult thought. I am truly stepping out in obedience in going on this mission trip.

I am excited, overjoyed, nervous, anxious, and scared. I can't wait to do ministry. I've been so thirsty for it. I long to meet needs and share the love of Christ. Our team will be re-roofing Katrina-damaged homes in Hattiesburg. We'll also be reaching out to the community in other ways. I can't wait to get back and share about everything. I expect God to do mighty things. That's the God that He is.

I am feeling all those human emotions as well, and the enemy has been prowling around like a roaring lion. I've felt his attacks, but God is bigger than the enemy. God already has the victory. I've been feeling inadequate and ill-equipped, but I suppose that's a good thing. If I could do it on my own, I wouldn't need to rely on God. At the same time, however, I've been feeling ill-equipped to the point that I've thought, "I'll be useless on this trip. Why am I even going?" and thoughts like those are ones that have crossed into the danger zone. God called me to go for a reason. I will do what He asks and leave it up to Him to make me useful. I will obey Him and I will obey my leaders while I'm on the trip. I'm only to go and serve.

I'm also feeling anxious about meeting new people, though my love in life is all kinds of people. Will I make friends? Will people like me, or will they think I'm weird? What about the people of the community? It's a different culture there, besides being a disaster area. Will I be too self-involved to be able to reach out in love? Will I be too self-conscious to say the right things? If worry could add an inch to my stature, I'd be the tallest person in the world! Again, I must resist the attacks of the enemy of my soul.

I'm scared about what might happen while I am gone. Will my husband be ok? Will he be able to meet the demands of work and the kids all alone? Will he go nuts? Will the babysitter be ok while she's here? Will she understand all my written instructions? What if BW or one of the kids gets sick? But then . . . again I hear the still, small voice of God reminding me that he has not given me a spirit of fear, but of sound mind . . . and remembering that His voice admonished me several months ago when He called me to go on this trip, "Do you not believe that I can care for your family while you are gone?"

I will go. I will be fine. My family will be fine.

Anyway, it's not about me.

"As they were walking along the raod, a man said to Him, 'I will follow you wherever you go.' Jesus replied, 'Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of man has no place to lay His head.' He said to another man, 'Follow Me.' But the man replied, 'Lord, first let me go and bury my father.' jesus said to him, 'Let the dead bury their own dead, but you go and proclaim the Kingdom of God.' Still another said, 'I will follow you Lord, but first let me go back and say good-by to my family.' Jesus replied, 'No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the Kingdom of God.' " Luke 9: 57-62

"Peter answered Him, 'We have left everything to follow You! What then will there be for us?' Jesus said to them: 'I tell you the truth, at the renewal of all things, when the Son of Man sits on His glorious throne, you who have followed me will also sit on the twelve thrones, judging the twelve tribes of Israel. And everyone who has left houses or brotherse or sisters or father or mother or children or frields for my sake will receive a hundred times as much and will inherit eternal life. But many who are first will be last, and many who are last will be first.' "
Matthew 19:27-29