Eleven Weeks and Puky Days Pregnant

Ugh.

I've been holding off on this post. I don't want to complain. But is it complaining if you simply state facts?

I feel nauseated. Not all the time, but most of the time. My doctor gave me some pills to help with the nausea, and they help. But they don't take it completely away. And right now, I am really, really nauseated. And I'm trying to convince myself that I really do not have to throw up. I'm doing everything I can to keep myself from throwing up. That's because I am afraid that if I start throwing up, I will not stop until 15-20 weeks of pregnancy. And that's too many weeks away for me to think of that as a viable option.

When I was pregnant with each girl, I had terrible, terrible nausea and throwing up. I threw up daily. I threw up water. I thought my tiny babies were going to die. I lost weight. My doctors would reassure and try very hard to help me. After about the 15th or so week, it all subsided. And my desire for children was so great that I still wanted to go through it again. So after I found out I was pregnant with #3, the fear set in, after the initial joy. Will I throw up for 15-20 weeks again? Will this be awful and horrible, again? But it wasn't. There was just a bit of nausea and no throwing up, and it passed fairly quickly.

I hear that when you are pregnant with a girl, you have more nausea because there are more "girl" hormones in your body - yours and your baby's. I don't know. But having experienced more nausea with the girls than I did with Banana, I am wondering if this baby is not another girl. That would make sense to me. I want to name her Annie.

Anyway, we have decided not to have any more of our own children. We want more children, of course. Very much so. But I just don't know if I can put my body through this again. And the more children to take care of during pregnancy, the harder everything else seems. So we will adopt. There are so many children who need a loving home, and we'd have a great family to welcome a couple more kids into.

So, I'm not trying to complain. Just saying that this bit of pregnancy is rough, with nausea and extreme fatigue. It's like I'm hungry, but so afraid to eat. But I also know from experience that when this stage passes, there will be no food that I will fear! Food will taste wonderful again, and I'll eat with abandon. Wild abandon.