I think that I was so idealistic going into teaching. Like I'd be the next Erin Gruwell or something. Like I was a missionary going to a foreign land and I'd be the instrument of salvation for each student. As if love alone could do all that.
These kids are tough. And they come from tough situations. Sure, I love them. I can find something to love in all of them. But the actual loving part . . . well, these kids sometimes do not act in lovely ways. Like when they are throwing markers at my head when my back is turned. Like when they are trying to make me angry by disrupting class in the middle of a test. Like when they tell me that they hate my class and want to be transferred to so-and-so's class.
I know it all comes from somewhere, but when it's me against them - and there are a lot of them - and when they are being cruel just to be cruel, it gets hard to love sometimes. I have to remember Who loves them more than me. I have to remember Who prepared that classroom for me ahead of time. I have to try to think about what kinds of situations they leave when they walk out the door each morning. Oh, yeah, and I also have to teach them some English.
Today was a good day. A great day. It was one of those days where all the students were smiling and happy. It's homecoming week, as I'd mentioned before, so there's lots of excitement and anticipation this week. There's a bonfire and a parade tonight. The students were talking about it all day.
The students were friendly and talkative today. Talkative can be bad; today it was good. One of my football guys had a t-shirt over his regular shirt. The t-shirt had been painted by one of his friends, and it had his football number and nicknames all over it in the school colors. He took it off and said, "Here, Miss, I want you to wear my shirt today."
This may sound silly or petty, but really, it was a big deal. I was beyond flattered, and I was more than happy to wear that kid's shirt today. Everyone else who came to class for the rest of the day knew who he was and talked about the shirt. It was a fun thing, and something special.
It's things like that that I have to remember and hang onto when the students are being unlovely. And also to remember to check my attitude and remind myself how unlovely I often am. And I have a great life, great family, a lot to look forward to. I know the situations of some of these kids, and truly, if they make it to the 12th grade, they'll have accomplished a great feat. I'm not making light of this. One of my students has already stopped going to all of his classes, and he's only a junior, and it's only October.
Anyway, I'm thankful for the blessing that today was.
5 comments:
Wow! Amazing that he asked you to wear his shirt -- but I'm not surprised. You're incredible! And that previous teacher probably had a breakdown because of the difficulty these kids can bring. Hang in there. They'll respect you. It just takes time. :)
Love & hugs!
I forgot to mention - the shirt was huge! I put it on over my sweater.
that is so sweet that he let you wear his shirt! that is just precious and shows what a blessing you are to those kids!
That's so sweet. I wish you took a pic of yourself in that shirt! =)
Hang in there pal. Love you bunches!
CBB - I wanted to take a pic of it, and I should have, but I couldn't have posted it on the blog. It sucks that I have to be so discrete about what I do and don't post in regard to my students. There's so much that I want to say about specific students and situations, but instead I have to write cryptic posts about the government and stuff. It's so scary these days, what you might get sued for or lose your job over.
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