The Measure of a Man

I used to work at a Hallmark store. Since there was lots of dead time, my co-workers and I spent lots of time picking out our favorite cards. One of mine was one that said something like, "My husband - a guy that can carry a pink and aqua
diaper bag around the mall and still feel secure in his manhood."
Yeah! Right on!

Tonight I saw a commercial that portrayed a guy in the checkout line at a grocery store. This guy was buying tofu, bean sprouts, you name it - every kind of froo-froo health food on the market. The guy behind him in line was buying every form of red meat known to the free world, and the health-food guy furrowed his brow and looked unsure of himself. Suddenly, health-food guy spotted a magazine with a picture of a Hummer on it. So Mr. Healthy made haste in getting to the Hummer dealer and in buying a Hummer. The TV screen then flashed this message: "Hummer. Reclaim your manhood."

And I thought, how sad.

I grapple with my own issues, being a woman and what my role is and why. And am I selling myself short, etc. etc. But I have never thought too much of the gender role issue as far as men are concerned. Perhaps I should think more of it. But perhaps I think less of it because I live with one who is such a great man.

BW is smart and kind and caring. He challenges my schools of thought and is happy to agree to disagree. He truly puts my needs and wants above his own. He is a great dad who takes care of the kids at my slightest whim, and faithfully on Bunco night! And he's a team-player around the house, always helping with bath-time, meal-time, clean-up time, and mommy-is-pulling-her-hair-out time.

Some of my friends are amazed at his active role with the kids. When I started talking to my friends about my mission trip, many of them responded in this way: "Who will take care of the kids while you're gone?!"
And my baffled response was, "Um, they have a dad . . . "

And in a very manly way, BW accepted me, who had been married before and brought a child into our new marriage. Through the bumps and bends in the road that carried us to the healthy family we now are, he just held on tight and refused to let go. There were moments I really thought we might veer off the road, when a bump was too big, but he always found a way to steer us back on course. I never doubted his love or level of commitment. I never doubt it now.

So what is a man? Does a man own camo and a gun and a big truck and go fishing and hunting? Does he love to watch football and wrestling? Does he play all kinds of video games? Does he read a lot and have a smart brain? Does he drink beer and eat buffalo wings while watching the big game on his friends' big-screen? Well, yes, I suppose that a man could be any combination of these things.

My man doesn't wear camo or hunt, but my brothers did, and they are good men. My dad sits quietly a lot and reads and he is gentle and hugs people often. He also unashamedly cries tears in front of many people. And he's a great man. And so is BW, my man, who has cried tears before me when he really thought he had wronged me. And BW is smart and likes video games and carries a diaper bag (though it is not pink and aqua), and is secure in his manhood.

While at seminary, I really had to make a statement in class once. I have never been one to boldly speak out in any class ever, but this was just too much for me. The subject matter in class was that of marital roles, and my brother in the Lord said, "My wife has to submit. It says so. She just does."

To which I spoke up and said, "Yes, but it also says, 'husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and laid down His life for her.' It doesn't mean you lord over her. If any man is willing to love me that much and treat me that well, that he would put me above all else and lay down his life for me, I'd gladly submit to that!"

Not only that, but "Sumbit to one another our of reverence for Christ,"* something we should all be doing for one another and prior to marriage. My dear brother in the Lord, I really think, wasn't seeing the beautiful picture of marriage, which truly is a woman and man reflecting Christ and His sacrifice, for all the world to see. That is why Satan hates marriages and tries so hard to destroy them. I'm so thankful, and give all glory to God, that He has grown mine and my husband's marriage into that beautiful picture, and that He daily administers grace to grow it more and more into that picture.

I'm so thankful to God for the man that is my husband. I'm thankful that he doesn't have to rely on a thing or a behavior to know that he is a man. He proudly drives a Dodge Grand Caravan, and will likely not drive much else for many years. BW sacrifices money, time, and his own wants for his family. He lays down much pride in the face of certain outlying family issues, and puts on a brave face to deal with it for my sake and his children's. BW is a man - God's man . . . and praise be to God, my man.

*scripture references from Ephesians 5:21-33